Idolatry, Self-righteousness and other confessions of a Homeschooling father…
Monday, September 26, 2011
I found this article on JoshHarris.com It is a profound personal expose of idolatry, self-righteousness and pride. The Gospel awareness that it took to write this piece is a testimony to grace. This is a perfect complement to our series in Galatians and a sobering read for anyone who has ever tried to ‘get it right’ with their family. Pastorally, I must tell you from the outset that the issues he speaks of are not the result of ‘homeschooling’ per se, but it is the lens through which he addresses these issues common to most of us, however I will also point out that some of his specific application points will be most apropos for people who have adopted a homeschool, family-based youth ministry, date-your-daughter, courtship only mindset…Take a deep drink of Jesus and then read this…
Exposing Major Blind Spots of Homeschoolers by Reb Bradley
In the last couple of years, I have heard from multitudes of troubled homeschool parents around the country, a good many of whom were leaders. These parents have graduated their first batch of kids, only to discover that their children didn’t turn out the way they thought they would. Many of these children were model homeschoolers while growing up, but sometime after their 18th birthday they began to reveal that they didn’t hold to their parents’ values.
Some of these young people grew up and left home in defiance of their parents. Others got married against their parents’ wishes, and still others got involved with drugs, alcohol, and immorality. I have even heard of several exemplary young men who no longer even believe in God. My own adult children have gone through struggles I never guessed they would face.
Most of these parents remain stunned by their children’s choices, because they were fully confident their approach to parenting was going to prevent any such rebellion.
After several years of examining what went wrong in our own home and in the homes of so many conscientious parents, God has opened our eyes to a number of critical blind spots common to homeschoolers and other family-minded people.
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Comments
Josh Treen | September 26 2011 at 12:39 pm
Jean, thanks for posting this. As someone who was homeschooled from Kindergarten-graduation I can attest to all of the things that he said and more. For me, I have to constantly fight against the other side of this - treating the fact that I was homeschooled as the cause of my shortcomings vs. understanding that I was broken from the start.
What this does for me is serve as a reminder that I and my wife and our kids are already messed up beyond what I can repair. There is a very real chance that, even with God’s help, being the best parent that I can be will send my children into therapy when they are adults. But in spite of this, I see God moving in my kids life when all I bring to the table is sin and in exchange, he moves in my life through my kids.
Jean Larroux | September 26 2011 at 12:48 pm
Josh, great comment…I think it could have just have easily been written by me (although I never homeschooled my kids…)! It is really an indictment on perfectionistIC parents who have made an idol of raising ‘perfect kids’. I am certainly guilty. What a gift Jeb’s honesty and candor are all of us…it leads me to the cross…AGAIN!
Anonymous | September 26 2011 at 4:46 pm
This resonates with me, because I was way too idealistic about raising a “good” family - especially as a young dad. While there are valid reasons for homeschooling, some reasons are basically reactions to negative experiences.
Case in point: My wife and I were both sexually abused at early ages, in public school and church environments. The emotional trauma and scars from this impacted our decision to homeschool. Did our desire to protect our kids from this kind of thing isolate them from my sinful nature (exacerbated by being “damaged goods”) or their sinful nature? To quote a recent sermon: Duh.
On the other hand, was God involved in a positive way in our decision to homeschool? Are my kids in any way less damaged than I was/am? After seeing the expression of sin in their lives as adults, I’ll be honest - perhaps.
In any case, I would hesitate to dismiss all such parents (besides me) as wierdos or recluses or legalists, as a comparison with non-homeschool parents; we’re all fallen and there is nothing good in our flesh. I would also hesitate to dismiss homeschooling as a valid option for many families.
On the other hand, when we in our thoughts presume to “thank God that we’re not like ...” we’ve clearly crossed the line to Phariseeism, and forgotten The Gospel. This applies to our “pride” in our school environment, political affiliation, or the gospel-centered church we attend.
Anonymous | October 01 2011 at 2:50 pm
I attended christian and public school growing up and this article can extend to my experience. However the question in a public school becomes do I only befriend the other Christians or do I live in such a way that is more missional. In a public school I was just as able to associate with only Christians. As i reflect on my friendships with non christians, i see i was much more focused on the right actions than pointing to christs work. Now as a parent with a kindergarten child in public school I have an all new perspective. I see the motivation for homeschooling and think it can be done very effectively. When I read this article, it reflects the inner struggle of Christian parents in general. Any school our child attends brings a friction of how much we want to protect out child and how much we want to be “salt&light;”.